getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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