May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I came so hard my ears popped.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
