There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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