Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize