Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
