Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
