i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
