Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
