I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
