You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
