remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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