Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
