Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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