you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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