You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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