i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
