she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
