so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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