you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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