Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize