worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
