You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
