I want to stick my p in your. b.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize