It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My penis needs a shock collar
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize