im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
