I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
