id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
