just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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