My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
another moral hangover. fuck.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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