Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
