don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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