When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Are my feet made of real feet?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
