Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
