i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
