We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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