I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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