I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
