What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
