Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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