there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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