I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
