if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
