He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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