Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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