I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
