My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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