Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
