yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
