I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
