my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
