I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
