I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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