he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
