If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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