i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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