I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
