First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
