I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
