answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
