i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
