drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
