I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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