i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
