Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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