I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
