Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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