I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
