Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
