I hate your face
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
