Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
